I am a dentist and I am a girl

So the other day a patient who I had never seen came in because a bridge that a dentist had placed years ago was getting loose. Before I got in to see him, he asked my assistant if I was male or female. When she said I was female, he said he was told he was going to be seeing a man, and he would prefer that. My assistant said, "Dr. Jess knows what she's at, don't worry." And the man said that he just wanted someone with more experience. My assistant informed him that Dr. Jess and Dr. Jon graduated at the same time so have the exact same amount of experience. So he said he just though a man would know more about bridges is all.

I didn't hear this conversation, and when I came in, the patient explained to me that he had a loose bridge, that his previous dentist was the best, and asked me if I thought I could fix it. Ummm, yeah, I guess I can fix your old beat up bridge. He proceeded to tell me how to do my job. He said I should make sure things were dry. That is the key. And then the second thing is to make sure that the bite is right. You really need to be able to bite right, and then the bridge will be good, he said. That is seriously like telling a cook that the key to cooking a good chicken is to turn the oven on.

Days later, I go in with a patient who had severe dental anxiety when she first started seeing me 6 months ago. She heard about me from a friend, started seeing me for minor fillings, and has now had lots of dental work by me. This particular day we were doing an extraction. The tooth was totally bombed and was definitely going to be tough to get out. Anyway, she asked me if I was up for this extraction. I was like, yes, of course. She was like, it just doesn't seem like you are strong enough to take this tooth out. I laugh. Haha. She asked if there was someone who I could go get if I need backup. I laugh again. Hahahaha. She was like, no seriously, I just don't really want you to have to put your knee on my chest to get this tooth out because you aren't strong enough. Oh my.

I have written about this before. I am really not upset about this kind of thing. But I think it's worth sharing experiences and maybe, maybe, these two particular patients will feel more confident that a woman can be a dentist.

Things I learned at the National Dental Convention

(The one single pic I took at the convention. Our assistant and I)

1. We should all be asking our hygienists to use a fluoride varnish instead of fluoride foam, rinse, or gel. This is pretty common sense, but the really thick varnish hangs around teeth way longer and we end up ingesting way less than the foam/rinse/gel. Especially important for kids.

2. The Merchant Tavern is an awesome restaurant to go for a good meal in St. John's. Jon and I had the best meal of our lives there. No kidding. I don't even know what they put in the beet salad, but I am still thinking about how great it was. Also, dating your husband= a good thing.

3. The average momma dentist takes about three months off after having a baby. I only talked to four other moms about this, but three months seems to be the norm. I ended up taking 3.5 months off.

4. Grinding and clenching our teeth is bad! And so many of us do it. Your teeth should never be touching unless you are eating. So separate those teeth.

5. Never assume they are going to feed you. Even if you are going to the kind of thing that you paid a lot of money to attend and they usually always have food. Just throw a banana in your bag, always.

Some recent pics...

(chalk on a nice day) 

(a very early morning watching the swim leg of Jon's triathlon) 

(post-triathlon) 

(checking out the renegade "fair" in an old parking lot in our tiny town) 

(ferris wheel) 

(last day of soccer for Cohen) 

(food court with grandparents) 

(Cohen and his Nan) 

(always taking pics of his feet)

The last few weeks have been pretty busy for us. Jon competed in his last triathlon of the season (he came in second in his category!), and we attended the Annual National Dental Conference in St. John's. Soccer ended for Cohen, and we have been trying to be outside as much as possible before fall really sets in around here. 

In the background I have been wrestling with some life stuff. Namely, do I want to go back to school? When we were on vacation a few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with one thought: I should go back to school. I didn't sleep for two nights. I was rolling the thought over in my head over and over. Thinking about what that would mean for our family, for our finances, for my career, for our whole entire life. On the third day of thinking about it constantly, I told Jon what I was thinking. Jon said, do it! He said he was totally on board, that it would be an exciting move for our family. So I looked into my options. Odds of getting in: 4%. Minimum average needed: B+ (I am only slightly above that). Length of program: 3 years. I started researching living accommodations. I started writing my entrance application essay in my head. I started thinking about references. 

And then just as quickly as the thought entered my head, it was gone. I don't want to spend three years super busy and barely seeing my son right now. Maybe someday. But for now, I really want to focus on Cohen. I will keep getting myself more and more educated. I will keep taking courses. And I will be grateful for my amazing work schedule (3 days a week). So that's that. I feel really at peace with where we are in our life right now, which is super lucky, I think. 

Some days I love my job

Earlier this week I had a tough day at work. A coworker called in sick, leaving us short-staffed. A few appointments ran late because the patients needed something extra done. We squeezed in a few emergencies. We ran out of some impression material I needed. It was the kind of day where you are running around the whole day without a second to look up. The phone is ringing off the hook, and a young patient is crying at the prospect of getting a needle. The kind of day where you have 20+ charts to write up at the end of the day. I think every single job has some version of a day like this. I have done a handful of jobs (waitress, pharmacy technician, cashier, fast food worker, etc), and they all have those days where you wonder why you are even doing the job. You feel like a total failure, and you totally want to sing this song. 

Those kind of days I need to remember that this job is the one that I chose when I was a little girl. This is the job that I would have even if we lived in a place where every occupation gets the same exact pay. I would be a dentist no matter what. I love it. 

Lately/balance

(reading to Coco and his friend)

(sometimes you have a tough appointment, and the patient brings you cookies) 

(reading in a bit of sunlight) 

(there were about 30 pics identical to this on my phone) 

(having a bit of water post-workout) 

(checking out how far the toilet paper in the hotel can be pulled) 

(sunday morning breakfast) 

(working)

The whole work/life/everything balance is totally hard and impossible and who cares. For me, at least. For example, I always (usually) feel really good about my relationship with Jon and Cohen. Though sometimes when I get home from work, I still have work on my mind, and it's hard for me to shake it, and so I am not fully present at home. And I always (usually) talk to my best friends on the phone at least once a week. But then some weeks we play phone tag every day, and we can only talk for two minutes, and that's that. And I always (usually) find time for the meager workouts that I do which entail 20 minutes of copying a super-fit person who I find on youtube. Except sometimes I can't even force myself to work out for 20 sad little minutes, because I would rather be eating a chocolate bar and reading dumb blogs.

My latest thing is that I can't and won't spend 3-4 hours in a stylist's chair getting my hair done. My hair takes forever to do, and I just won't take 4 hours from my time with Cohen. If I lived somewhere that offered hair styling late at night, I would totally do that so I could do it while Cohen sleeps. And maybe it's partly because I am leaving Cohen for four whole nights next week, which feels like forever. So to deal with the 2 inches of roots, I have been using sun-in every single day, even though I don't get much sun, because it's not that sunny here. And I am luckily going grey at a really fast rate these days. And I am using purple shampoo to kind of take away form the orange shade I am developing in my root area. And I just chop a few inches off my ponytail here and there. Perfect.

Baby's first dental cleaning!

The other day our sitter brought Cohen in to work for a quick hello, and one of our hygienists had a cancellation, so I decided it was time for Cohen's first cleaning. Even though I know that the first dental visit should happen by the first birthday, it is just something that I think a lot of parents let slide, then suddenly another year has passed. Anyway, I sat Cohen on my lap in the hygienist's chair, and she did a quick cleaning with Cohen's head resting on her knees. I was expecting tears, but he didn't cry a bit. He seemed to like the taste of the paste, and seemed a little confused about what was going on. It took about a minute to clean his six teeth. After, the hygienist gave him a new tiny toothbrush, which our sitter said he held tightly to for the rest of the afternoon as if it was a special prize.

I am so glad Cohen got his first taste of going to the dentist. In our province, the government pays for a dental exam every six months until the child is 12 years old, which I will definitely take advantage of. I didn't have time to even think about taking a picture, so I just wanted to document it so I will remember. Love that little guy and his little teeth.

Back to work after baby: 6 months

(trying his first watermelon and whipped cream at a restaurant in St. John's)

Now that it has been 6 months since I returned to work, I wanted to write a little about what it's been like. I also wrote about my first week back and my first full month back, and my thoughts on pumping and working. Some things about the work/momma balance these days:

- Once I am at work in the morning, I think about Cohen all the time, but I never wish I was at home with him. Maybe that sounds cold. But it also goes the other way. On the days I am home with Cohen, I don't want to be at work.

- The other day, Cohen wasn't feeling too great (he just cut another tooth), and Paula texted me a picture of this little rash that he had developed on his back. Sometimes it seems like he really needs me when he is not feeling well. He wraps his little arms around my neck and puts his little face against mine. So I did wish I could race home to be with him when I found out about his little rash. But instead, I had Paula take his temperature, and update me in half an hour. He was fine, and so was I.

- I love walking in the front door to a smiling baby who is so happy to see me. There is nothing better than taking him in my arms after a long day. The stresses of the day completely disappear.

- I am so over pumping. I really want to nurse Cohen until he is one, so we can skip the formula altogether, and move on to whole milk. I pretty much have to pump in order to keep my supply and make that happen. But when I am done with that in 2.5 months, I will be pretty happy. No more carrying around my pump (or my "breastfeeding book bag", as one of the assistants calls it), no more stopping whatever I am doing midmorning to search for a good spot to pump.

- I really don't like the term "part-time". When I think of someone who works part-time, I picture a teenager who works a few evenings and weekends. I work full-time. I am a full-time stay-at-home mom 2-3 days a week, and I am a full-time dentist 2-3 days a week. That being said, I am not sure if I ever want to go back to being a full-time dentist 5 days a week. My life feels more balanced now than it ever did before baby.

- A successful work/momma balance is all about the sitter. I could never be happy to be at work if I didn't completely trust our sitter. When she leaves in the evening, Cohen sometimes grabs her face in his little hands and smiles at her. I can just see how comfortable and happy he is with her. I wouldn't be surprised if he says "Paula" before he says mama.

Scenes from a normal work week

(What a ya at?) 

(always coffee with almond milk in my keep cup) 

(preparing to teach kids about crowns and brushing) 

(after nursing the dude in a vacant patient chair*) 

(one of our hygienists makes the best baked goods)

I love my job, and it takes up a pretty decent part of my week. Highlights of work last week:

- This insane chocolate cake covered in Lindt balls. Made my one coworker for another in a time of boy-related stress:)

- Due to our sitter being stuck in town during the blizzard, Cohen had to spend a bit of time at work on tuesday, being handed around. He was a trooper. 

- We went to the elementary school to teach kids about brushing and healthy foods. I was eager to tell them that chewy granola bars and goldfish crackers are not awesome.

- The whole clinic did fluoride "shots" on Monday (aka girl day), which was pretty fun/gross.

- My work magnifying glasses broke, which was pretty devastating to me, as I can't work without them. But luckily we share a building with an eyeglass place, and they fixed them right up for me in less than a day! 

-More about my work days here.

(*my loupes really get in the way with nursing)

Back to work after baby: 1 month

(testing out his high chair)

I have been back to work for four weeks now. Some thoughts:

- Leaving Cohen in the morning does not get much easier. Cohen wails as soon as I pass him to the sitter in the morning. I sometimes cry a tiny bit on the drive to work. We always check in with the sitter when we get to work, and Cohen is always fine within 10 minutes. But it's still so hard!

-  Being back at work feels really good. Once I am there and I know Cohen is good, I love doing what I do. I love that I get to talk to people all day. I love that I get to work with my hands and solve problems all day. Very different from being at home with Cohen.

- Pumping is a little tough. I have to get up super early in the morning to pump before work, then I have to pump again mid-morning at work. I am really speedy about it now, though, so it's not too bad.

- I am so glad I only have to work part time. I can't imagine working any more right now. My working days make me so grateful for my home days. I absolutely love being home with Cohen on my home days.

- It feels good to get a paycheck again. Even though it is significantly smaller, I still like knowing that I am contributing to our financial goals.

- I like that another experienced mom takes care of Cohen. It feels so good when we come home from work and the sitter tells us that he is such a good-natured, happy baby. Makes me feel like we are doing a good job.

- Cohen gets cuter while we are at work. I love holding him in my arms after a long day at work. He smiles whenever he sees us now, which is the best feeling ever.

my first week back to work

(my two favourite people)

What a week. The night before my first day was hard. I didn't sleep much, and I was so anxious about leaving him that I actually felt sick to my stomach.

When we got to work in the morning, I was so busy that I barely had time to think about Cohen. I pumped halfway through the morning in a corner of our office. I couldn't wait to see his little face at lunchtime. The hardest thing was leaving again after lunch. I just wanted to stay with him. The second hardest thing was the short drive home after work. The car had barely stopped moving before I jumped out. I didn't put Cohen down for the rest of the night.

Our sitter told us that Cohen cried hard for twenty minutes or so in the morning when he realized we were gone. He cried himself to sleep while she rocked him, and then he was fine for the rest of the day. Same for the second day. I could tell he had been crying because he started to cry in the evening and his voice was hoarse. Our sweet little baby with a hoarse cry. Heartbreaking. On the second day, our sitter brought Cohen in to work for a little visit. He was so calm and happy in her arms. It really made me feel so good. And I was so happy to see him. I can't even believe how much I love that little guy.

Note: We never actually found a sitter. We met with lots of potentials, but nothing clicked. Two ladies had cats that were moody. One lady actually told us that her cat "can't be touched or he will lash out". We weren't sure how we would be able to relay that to a baby who will be crawling soon. One lady said she hates changing diapers. One lady didn't look at Cohen once during the entire interview. Another potential seemed perfect, but she suddenly left the province due to "domestic issues." A few said they wanted something full time (I only want to work part time right now). Sooo, our receptionist, who we love, is watching Cohen. She has been visiting Cohen since he was five days old, and she is so warm and loving, and I can tell she loves Cohen. I don't think I could have gone back to work so early if I didn't feel so good about who we are leaving Cohen with.

The end my of maternity leave!

(our little dude and I on Halloween)

It's my first day back to work! I had a knot in my stomach all day yesterday thinking about being away from Cohen for eight hours. I left Cohen and Jon at home for a few hours on both Saturday and Sunday as practice, and to encourage Cohen to take a bottle. I was thrilled to hear that Cohen chugged back a bottle of breast milk each time. He was totally fine. I think maybe it will be harder for me than him.

PS: For the record, my last day of work before Cohen was born was July 13th. Almost exactly four months off, which is double what I had planned to take off. For me, this feels like the perfect time to go back to work. That doesn't mean it won't be easy, though!