The last few books and my favourite book of the year

I think I ended up reading around 50 books this year, which is probably average for me. I thought I would have read way more since we were on lockdown for so much of the year, but it turns out that I can't read as much when I'm super duper stressed. 

Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi. Loved it so much. Now I need to go read Homegoing also. The main character is a grad student researching mice brains, which I just loved. All of it. 

Washington Black by Esi Edugyan. Oh man. This one is still with me. It was a little hard to read just as it will always be hard to read about slavery. I loved how part of the story happened in Nova Scotia. I need to learn so much more about how "free" black people lived in Nova Scotia. Also the author is Canadian, which is just cool. 

French Exit by Patrick DeWitt. This one was so quick and easy to read. I liked that it was light and cute and also a teeny bit dark. Also loved the cover artwork. 

A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini. I was so wrapped up in this book for a couple days. It's hard to read. I have never really understood much about the details of the Afghanistan war, and this book helped me understand things a tiny bit more. But really this was a love story about a woman and her husband's second wife's kids. Love love love. 

After thinking about all the books I have read this year, there is no question which one I loved the most. American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins blew my mind. I still think about if all the time. My mom read it after me, and she still brings it up sometimes. 

And there is one book I read twice this year. I never ever read books more than once. I have a friend who just loves to dive back into a book she has read multiple times. I could never do that. But Pema Chodron's When things fall apart is just so great to read anytime, and for sure when things are feeling kinda hard. The first time I read it, I highlighted sentences that were so true for me that I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of them before. The second time I read it, I had totally different sentences to highlight. If I had to distill the book into a couple lines, I would say that it's about finding the thing you dread the most and walking straight into it. Except that you don't have to go looking for hard stuff in life. You can sit patiently and wait and the hard stuff will come, and when it does, face it and lean into it. 

So this concludes my book reviews for the year, and I promise I will be back next year with lots more books.  

A weekend on PEI

We usually see Jon's parents every few months, and even though we saw them over the summer for a few days, we were eager to see them again before Christmas. My mother-in-law turned 80 last month, and for the last few years we have talked about renting a hall and having a big open house type party for her birthday. She has lived on PEI since she was in her late twenties, and knows tons of people! Anyway, of course the big party wasn't happening, but we still wanted to see her. We got really lucky and were able to come the week before the border closed. 

(birthday cake time)

We had such a nice little visit. We stayed in a little Airbnb 5 minutes from my mother-in-law's house, and right on the water. Two highlights: we went to Jon's childhood home where his dad still lives. The house has never been upgraded (save for necessary things) since Jon was a kid, so it was really cool to see. I hadn't been there since Jon and I were dating and we stayed there for a few nights. I liked showing the boys a different kind of house. And Jon showed me tons of old pictures and newspaper articles and yearbooks. And we had a look at the old poster from Jon's modelling days. 

The second highlight for me was going for a walk all by myself through the downtown. It was a rainy afternoon and no one wanted to go with me, so I just walked around, popping in to different stores here and there. I think working in a little alone time on a family vacation is so awesome. 

Recent books

I am reading and reading and reading. This month I was really favouring nonfiction by women. Maybe that is what I favour all the time. The book that had the hugest effect on me this month is actually not pictured: Three women by Lisa Taddeo. 

Wild Game by Adrienne Brodeur. LOVED it. One of my favourite type of book is a true story about rich people who do things that seem crazy to middle-class me. This book is so that. And it's also about breaking the cycle in parenting and not doing things that your abusive/alcoholic parents did to you. So good. 

A Man called Ove by Fredrik Backman. Meh. I read Beartown, and wasn't super into it, but this is the book that gets more attention, so I wanted to try it. I found the writing really repetitive and slow. The story is good, just really slow. 

Dear Girls by Ali Wong. I loved her Netflix specials like everyone else. And I loved this book. I was definitely not laughing out loud with this book (like with Tina Fey's Bossypants). The book is for sure more of a love letter to her husband, and I really liked learning about how they met. This was a cute and quick little memoir. 

Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino. This book is a lot. It's the kind of book that takes a lot of energy to read because it is so dense and feels so well-researched. I found myself copying sentences out of it into my little journal because they were so true. I liked it, but was always reading it with something easier to read at the same time. 

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo. Oh wow, this book. It is the true story of three women and their sex lives. This is the main thing I learned/remembered from my own life while reading this book: Women always blame women for the bad behavior of men. Women blame themselves and they blame victims. Also, women deep deep down don't really like seeing other women happy and successful and sexually satisfied. I think this is changing right now with #metoo and #imwithher. In my own life, a man behaved badly and absolutely nothing bad happened to him. And a whole bunch of female relationships were destroyed by what the man did. I could talk about this forever. It is what keeps me up in the middle of the night. This book is such necessary reading for women alive in this time in the world. 

An overnight in Fredericton

(I will miss this little guy when he is too big for the front of my bike!)

 Like everyone, we are trying to stay closer to home, especially with school being on the go and so much talk of a second wave. So we decided to do an overnight in downtown Fredericton, which is about 15 minutes from our house. We opted to bike there, which is about 21 KM on a trail that used to be the train tracks. We planned for about three hours for the bike ride, with lots of stops for snacks. And there is a gas station about halfway, and we had promised 7-year-old Cohen that he could get a Powerade there (highlight of the trip for him). The bike ride was super easy and flat. I was surprised by how good it went! We brought everything we needed (clothes, bathing suits, toothbrushes, water, snacks) on our bikes in dry bags. 

(snack break time)

(Will and I are all about the hot tub)

When we got to the hotel (which is right on the trail-super convenient), we checked in and stored our bikes in a room off the lobby. We hung out at the room, swam in the pool, and then headed to the restaurant beside the hotel for supper. That evening we laid in bed, watching tv together. I love that part of hotels so much!

(always elevator selfies)

(this sweet guy at our pre-breakfast)

In the morning Cohen and I woke up first so we snuck down for coffee and apple juice and playing uno. Then an hour later Will and Jon joined us for breakfast downstairs. A quick swim in the pool and some more relaxing, and then we headed home (by car). 

We had the best time. Weirdly (or not weirdly I guess), the hotel was super empty. This feels like a pretty good time to do some staycations right in our town. And it's nice to know we are contributing to keeping a local business supported. Also, where we live there are super good deals for locals to stay in local hotels. So I feel like we got a steal of a deal. Such a great time with our little family. 

October 2020 Library list

I read all these books in the last couple weeks and wasn't super into any of them. Let me explain:

Their eyes were watching god by Zora Neale Hurston. This was necessary reading for me. The main character's grandmother is the product of a rape by a slave owner. It's just really important for me to continue to read books by non-white people. 

God's Joyful Surprise by Sue Monk Kidd. I have loved a few other books by this author, but this one was kinda meh for me. It is the story of how Sue goes from being totally busy with young kids and church duties to finding solitude and meditation. Basically, meditating is a good thing and we should all be doing it. Still so excited to read more of her books. 

Think like a monk by Jay Shetty. This guy is a legit celebrity at this point. And he meditates for an hour a day! He was a full-time monk for three years before pursuing his current career. The idea here is that meditating is pretty much essential, and also we should all be living to help others. I am fully into that idea, but preferred this other book that he referenced a lot that I recently read. 

The last story of Mina Lee by Nancy Jooyoun Kim. Something about this story felt rushed. The same imagery was used over and over, and the last half of the book felt like it dragged on a little. Still, I will pass it on to my mother and sister. It was decent for sure. 

Stay sexy & don't get murdered by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Pretty funny. I have actually only listened to a few of their podcasts, but in print they were super likeable and funny. It's always fun to learn about people going from struggling along to having success by doing the thing they love. Although for these two ladies, their idea of struggling was having their own cooking show and writing for a sitcom. Reading stuff like this makes me feel like LA is a whole other world. 

Right now I am two pages in to this book, and I am OBSESSED. I will of course review soon. 

Our haphazard master bathroom reno

After

We had been wanting to renovate our master bathroom since we moved in four years ago. The main issue was the bathtub. It was one of those huge ones with the jets, and the jets didn't work when we did the house inspection. We had a plumber come in before we bought the house to see how much it would cost to fix the jets. The plumber couldn't find the box that controls the jets, so he figured it was behind drywall. He said it would cost LOTS to fix it. But we wanted the house, so we had the seller knock $1000 off the price and figured we would deal with it later. 

The first quote we got was $50K, which is insane. Our house is small. This bathroom is small. Our home is a rowhouse, so the likelihood of getting back that kind of an investment when selling was not going to happen. Looking back, I blame myself for that insane quote. The designer who we had come in and look had made a bunch of suggestions, and I had said yes to everything. Jon and I just didn't really care or have major visions for this bathroom. So the designer had included things like all marble floors, a marble walk in shower with fancy glass inclosure, and a custom marble counter. Marble, marble, marble. I was so disgusted with that quote, that we put the master bathroom on the backburner for another year or two. 

The second quote we got was way more reasonable at $14K. This was from the local hardware store that also does full installs of bathrooms and kitchens. We were really excited to work with them. The catch: they weren't able to order any double sink vanity except the exact one we already had. The one we had was totally fine, but I was hoping for something with legs or floating. I couldn't wrap my head around getting thing big renovation but still being stuck with the same vanity. 

So we went with the third option, which was a contractor who had done a lot of work for a friend of ours. He told me what to order, and then he came in and installed. So I ordered the vanity from wayfair, the tub from the local hardware store, the faucets from ikea. What I liked about doing it this way was that I bought things little by little, and the contractor/handman gave me a bill for the hours he worked each week. So financially, it felt way more do-able compared to having to write one huge cheque at the beginning. 

Before

Jon and I just don't care that much about the details. Like, the contractor wanted us to go to the tile store to choose tile. We were like, please, just choose whatever you think. And really, we are so happy with the tile he chose. And then we had our painter come in and paint. He asked us what colour we wanted. We just didn't care. White, I guess? So he said he had a pewter colour he had just used on another home and it looked good. So we went with that. And I love it! 

After

These pictures are obviously not styled, but they show the changes. We are really so happy with our new bathroom. What I love the most is that the ceiling of the tub area was raised a foot. It makes the tub feel so much more spacious. I also love the open shelves instead of the huge cabinet that was built into the wall.

Before

Lots more books

Beartown by Fredrick Backman: Jon read this one first, and liked it, and so I read it after him. I felt pretty reluctant to get into the style of writing. Lots of the sentences are super short. I found it hard to get used to. And then at the end everything gets wrapped up in a pretty bow, which is something I used to love when I was a teenaged reader, but now I'm not so into. This book dealt with a lot of stereotypes and also rape. In the end I really did enjoy it, and I really want to read his other bestseller, A man called ove. 

When things fall apart by Pema Chodron. Oh my gosh. This one is amazing. I first heard about Pema on the Oprah podcast (my true fav). I can't gush enough about this book and this author. This book talks a lot about leaning into hard things. That just resonates so hard for me as someone who loves to avoid difficult decisions. I will probably read this book again in a few months. Also, we should all be meditating. 

To all the boys I've loved before by Jenny Han. Now I need to check out the Netflix movie. This was a really light easy read, and I loved it. I have always wanted to write about teenaged love because it can feel so intense, and I feel like this author nailed it. 

The book of longings by Sue Monk Kidd. So this book was pretty intense. It is the story of Jesus's wife if he had a wife. I had to keep looking stuff up to see what was fiction and what was true. I know VERY little about Jesus, so I feel like I learned a lot from reading this book and then looking up parts from the book. I loved talking to Jon, who went to Sunday school every week as a child, about this book. Now I wonder if Jesus actually did have a wife. I always love this author's writing, and this book was no different. 

Rainbow shag cake and Will's 3rd birthday

I don't think about almost giving Will up every day anymore, but the memories were creeping in as Will's third birthday approached. Three years later, what sticks in my mind are those last five minutes or so before they reversed the diagnosis, and also the conversations we had with the higher ups at the hospital months later. The head of OBGYN at our local hospital was so condescending and dismissive, and sometimes I wish I had had better words to tell her how she could help us instead of what she actually said, which was so unhelpful. Sometimes I think about the geneticist who was rubbing her super pregnant belly the whole time she was telling me how hopeless the fetus in my belly was. I am clearly not over it completely, and maybe I never will be fully. 

But when my mind goes through all these moments, I always end with the very last meeting we had with the head of the hospital and the head of radiation. The result of that last meeting was that our hospital agreed to permanently change their practices so no one had to go through what we did. I felt so heard and understood, and I felt like these two super educated and busy and strong women were so compassionate. I learned a lot about how to listen in that meeting from these two doctors. So grateful. 

Anyways, this cake!! Will had been asking for a "paw patrol mission paw lookout cake" over and over again. And I wanted to try a shag cake. So I made this cake, Jon printed out a lookout tower, and we stuck it on top. Will loved it, though he later asked me where his real cake was. The shag icing was super easy to do. I just bought a two dollar grass tip, and kept changing the colour in my icing bag. 

If I'm honest, the cake didn't taste great. I find if the colours of the icing are bright like this, all you really taste is the food dye. And the shag made the icing extra crusty, which I found pretty unappealing. But I'm glad I tried it for sure. 

Will at three:

- He just started preschool three mornings a week. He never seems that excited to go, but then he goes right in with no tears. I think he likes it! 

- The potty training is happening. I would guess we are averaging one accident a day. For us, that feels pretty good. 

- He asked for a Barbie food truck for his birthday, and loves playing with it with his dragons and other toys.

- He answers many questions with "kinda." Like, did you have fun at school today? Kinda. Are you hungry? Kinda. Was Grace at school today? Kinda. 

- He loves eating tons of fruit. He can eat so many peaches, oranges, apples, pears. He is significantly less interested in supper. 

An overnight in Fundy with kids

This is the year to visit all the spots in New Brunswick that we have never seen. Jon and I are lucky that our friends sometimes let us piggyback on to their day trips. They grew up visiting Fundy (they are both from the Moncton area), so they know all the cool hikes and spots to see around Fundy with kids. I know you can google a lot of this stuff, but really, I have found it hard to find really good info about local stuff. For example: the pump bike track in Fundy. I had never even heard of it. And Cohen LOVED it. It's this little dirt track that has all these small hills you ride your bike on. So cool. 

We have only done this twice, but both times my friend and I each took either lunch or supper, and were completely in charge of it. On this day I was in charge of lunch, and we did mini-quiches, pesto pasta salad, and pumpkin scones. My friend had supper, and she did chicken sandwiches and potato salad. The six kids all ate everything. I really think giving kids less choices can be better sometimes. The only thing I would do differently in the future is to buy a huge insulated cooler just for ice water. By the end of the day we were all running low on water, and the water we had was warm. I predict that we will be doing more road trips and day trips in the next few years, so investing in a nice huge insulated water thermos seems smart. 

Will is almost three, and he has never been into being carried in a backpack type thing or even riding in a stroller. So when we were doing more challenging hikes, Jon and I would just take turns being one-on-one with him. It's a lot slower, but he loved it. Sometimes on easier parts of the hikes he would ride on Jon's shoulders or mine. 



We stayed in Alma for the night after one last over supper hike with our friends. The hotel was totally fine. In the morning we walked around on the little main street in Alma. The sticky bun bakery usually has a huge line to get in, but at 8 am, we were able to stroll in and grab sticky buns, donuts, milk, and coffee. We ate back in our hotel room looking out at the ocean. Perfect breakfast. 



We didn't have a real plan, but we figured we might as well visit the hopewell rocks. The low tide was conveniently at around 10 AM. Wow, the flowerpot rocks were amazing. There was no line, so we strolled right in and did the 15 minute walk that leads to the stairs that take you down onto the ocean floor. I am so glad we did it. 

Three nights on PEI

I feel like I've said this so many times, but our summer ended up being completely different from what we had planned. For the last 5 or so years, we have done a week in Cavendish with Jon's entire family (his parents, his three siblings and their families, and also extended family of spouses). So this year no one from out of province could come, so we cancelled everything. Later when we found out about the Maritime bubble, we opted to go for three nights to a quiet part of the island, and just see Jon's parents and brother. We ended up at an airbnb in Canoe Cove. 

Canoe Cove was so pretty. It was a lot closer to the bridge than we are used to, so less driving was a plus. Once we arrived, we did a lot of relaxing. This was our day: check for when the tide is low. For sure go to the beach and explore during low tide. Eat meals and snacks. Read. Play cards. Let the boys have screen time while we have another coffee. That's it. It was super relaxing. I probably wouldn't have wanted to do it for much longer, but it was perfect for a last minute 2020 vacation. 

The beach was perfect for searching for jellyfish, making sandcastles, taking long walks with water up to your ankles. The beach was no good for swimming or laying on a towel in the sun. This was an exploring beach. 

This beach was covered in jellyfish in some areas. The boys loved it. We also found tons of shells and a starfish. I am so amazed by how much kids love being outside. We brought no snacks, toys, or anything at all to this beach. We would walk barefoot with nothing at all to the beach and be there for a few hours. We loved it. 

The one little outing we did was a small easy hike at Fort Amherst. I had no idea the history of Acadians being pushed off the island at this site. Many acadians died on boats that were not equipped properly for their journey. I loved/hated reading copies of the real letters that were being sent back and forth about the acadians and indigenous people in the area. So interesting. 

The airbnb we stayed in was filled with stuff. Every drawer and cupboard and flat surface was crammed with objects. The boys loved looking at all the stuff, and it was nice to have board games and books to check out. In the times of Covid, I for sure feel more interested in how everything is cleaned, so that would be my only real issue with this particular cottage. It would be pretty hard to disinfect every little knick-knack sitting on every single shelf. Oh, and a huge highlight for the boys was the outdoor shower. The indoor shower was super duper small, so the boys and I ended up using the outdoor shower exclusively, and man, outdoor showers are amazing. 
 

Two nights in Moncton

Like everyone else, we had to completely change our summer vacation plans this year. We usually do two weeks off work, spending one in Cavendish with Jon's family, and another doing something else with just us. This year it was going to be Niagara Falls. Last year it was Halifax. This year, we ended up only being able to take one week off from work, so we did a few nights on PEI with Jon's parents, then a couple nights in Moncton. We opted to stay in an Airbnb that looked kind of like a castle. The boys loved it. 

We love to have a little down time at the apartment where the boys can use their screens while Jon and I chat and split a beer or a kombucha. This place was kind of fancy, but in such a great location in Moncton. We were able to walk to take out restaurants, and I also ran out to grab coffee and croissants each morning. 

Our main goal was to check out Parlee beach. Jon and I hadn't been there since long before we met. We LOVED it. We want to go back soon. The beach was really pretty empty for a Friday, and so clean. We saw lots of staff cleaning up and also lots of lifeguards. The water was a perfect temperature, and the waves weren't too big. 

For meals, our main goal was to stay outside. We did a few patios including a sushi restaurant right on main street. The boys hadn't been to a restaurant since February, so they were very very excited to be eating out. We also did some drive thru meals and grocery store meals. As for sushi, our boys can eat so much avocado maki. They love it. 

We also squeezed in a trip to the zoo with my sister and her kiddos. The zoo felt like such a great activity to do in Covid times since we were outside the whole time. The kids fully loved it. I think also our kids were just thrilled to be out and about doing stuff. We have kept to ourselves since March 13th, and I don't know if we even realized how much we missed going out and doing things. 

On our way out of Moncton on our way home we did the magnetic hill. Jon was amazed! We absolutely got a little thrill out of it, and the little wharf village is just as cute as when I used to work there 18 years ago. We love Moncton so much! 

 

More books!

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

Oh this was good. It took me a while to get used to the large print that I accidentally ordered, but after that, I was so in. This book really surprised me by being about a Black man who is incarcerated for a crime he did not commit. I loved it. Oprah knows how to pick a book. 

Normal People by Sally Rooney

This book is getting so much hype right now along with the show based on the book. I wanted to read the book first, especially since I am hearing that this is one of those situations where the show is actually better than the book. I flew threw this one. I think I had it read in less than two days. The relationship between the two main characters is so intense, and I can't wait to see that play out on the show. Loved it. 

Road trip fiction

I am forever feeling like my life is running on a theme. The theme changes all the time. These two books I read one after another were both about road trips where you don't really know where you are going. I found one at the secondhand store and Jon picked the other one up at the library for me. 

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. I loved Turtles All the Way Down and also The Fault in our Stars. My favourite thing about this one was the relationship between the main character and his best friend. The dialogue between them was so fun to read and imagine. The book made me feel like road trips are so great for creating memories, especially when you are a teenager. I need to try to remember that when my boys want to drive to Montreal when they are teens. 

The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews. So good. I loved the weirdness of the characters and the relationship between the main character and her sister, who is mentally unstable and hospitalized for the duration of the story. It made me think about my own relationship to my sister, and how unique and huge that relationship is.

I'm still reading so much. My kids are getting to the age where I can lay on the couch and read for 20 minutes while they are playing together. If reading and writing about said reading were a job (I know it is actually a job, but not really realistic for me), I would love it. 

A birthday party in the year of Covid

Cohen's birthday party is usually pretty big. He invites his whole class, and we plan a bunch of activities here. This year was totally different, just like everything is totally different this year due to Covid. In our area, we have very little community transmission, and our borders are mostly closed, so a couple weeks ago Jon and I realized we could probably actually have a little party for Cohen's seventh birthday. We tried to make it as safe and easy as possible for the four kids who were invited. This is what we did:

- We only invited four kids. Three of the kids have already been in each other's bubble because one of the moms babysits the other two kids. And the fourth kid has been socializing with Cohen since the bubbles opened a month ago. All the parents knew who was coming.

- We kept it outside. We know that the research is showing that being outside is WAY more safe than being indoors. So we committed to a completely outdoor party, which was a little weird for us because we live in a condo-style house, so the only way to get to our teeny backyard is through the master bedroom. But it was totally fine. 

- I kept party shopping to a minimum. I am always trying to keep my potential contact tracing to a minimum, so for this party, I made one special trip to a store (the Bulk Barn), and bought everything else during my weekly grocery store trip. I didn't order anything online. In some ways I feel like it saved me money, because I wasn't just going to party stores getting more stuff like I normally would. But in some ways I spent more because I wasn't looking for sales, and I knew I had to buy everything in one shot, so I was throwing everything possible into my shopping basket. The party was for sure cheaper though, just because we only had five kids (plus little brother Will) attending. 

- We didn't order any food. Normally I would order pizza for lunch and also order a cake from Dairy Queen. But I wanted to keep the risks super low, so I bought frozen pizza from the grocery store during my normal grocery store run, and we made the cake. Wow, the cake was a lot of work! Cohen's favourite food is for sure avocado maki, so he really wanted a sushi cake. Cohen and I worked on it together, and we were so happy with how it turned out! We used the tutorial from chelsweet, which worked out awesome. I borrowed a cake spinner from my assistant, and I was glad I did. I don't think you could make this cake without a spinner. 

(giant buttercream avocado maki)

(the low-key setup)

- Totally unrelated to Covid, I have been trying to buy less party decorations for the last couple years. So all the tissue paper decorations are our hoarded ones that I pull out for every party, I  leave out certain colours depending on the celebration, and of course I make a pinata with whatever craft paper I have. I feel so much better about these decorations compared to the hundreds of balloons I used to blow up for arches, and then pop them and throw them out right after the party. 

- We set out every single piece of outdoor equipment we own, which wasn't much. I borrowed a sprinkler from my parents, put out soccer balls and nets, and washer toss. We had colouring and a really lame craft that I found in the back of our craft closet. And the kids had a great time. They loved the sprinkler, and were very into kicking the soccer ball around. Normally I would be trying to pack as many activities as possible into two hours. This time, there was no schedule. We did the pinata halfway through, which was full of pokemon cards. The kids loved looking at their cards and trading them. Cohen opened his presents slowly, and for the first time, I was able to watch him since there weren't 20 kids running around. His friends all gave him thoughtful gifts like a homemade pokemon book and hand painted rocks. 

Jon and I feel like even though we were forced to have this kind of small, measured party due to Covid, we will not go back to the way we used to do it. We feel like all the kids had a better time because it was so small and freeform. 

American Dirt

American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins:

Oh my gosh. This book. I can't even believe how good this book was. I haven't read anything this good for so long. I would say the book that came the closest to being as good as this for me was Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. 

As a middle class white Canadian lady, I know about as much about the immigration issues from Mexico to the US as This American Life tells me. When I was a kid we would sometimes cross from Texas to Mexico to have lunch when we were vacationing south of our home in Killeen, Texas. I think it was really different at that time. Anyway, I feel like this book was really well-researched. The situation that immigrants fleeing violence face when they hit the American border is so horrible. Everyone should read this book, and then maybe donate some money to help immigrants seeking safety. 

One textbook-like book about the brain and a book about being broke and white in America

The body keeps the score by Bessel Van Der Kolk:

My usual routine is to push myself super hard in life until my body forces me to slow down by feeling sick. Like, I get an actual sinus infection or a bad cold, and so I spend a few days laying low, and then start the cycle again. Anyway, this book is not about that. But it does talk a lot about how our bodies feel things physically when we are emotionally hurting. That's probably not groundbreaking for anyone who works in healthcare. If you are having chronic stomach pains or back pain for no obvious reason, it might be an emotional issue. This book talks about the science of that. I found it really interesting, but also intense and also dense. So I read it on the side for like a month, while I flew through a bunch of other books. I would highly highly recommend this book to anyone who works with people with PTSD, or if you survived trauma during childhood. One thing that really stood out to me is that people with severe recurring trauma during childhood have huge blank spots in their memories. Their brains physically change so they are protected from those memories. So amazing. 

Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance:

This book was a little weird to be reading right in the middle of #Blacklivesmatter and #defundthepolice. It is about poor white people (hillbillies) in Kentucky and Ohio. The author manages to go to law school and make a success of himself, maybe at least partly due to white privilege? That's what it felt like to me as I was reading this and also watching videos on my social media of police beating up peaceful Black protestors. I enjoyed the book for sure, and I will probably watch the movie when it comes out. 

The last of the quarantine reading: Jon and I pretty much have a mini book club now

Because of coronavirus, Jon and I have ended up reading more of the same books than ever. These are two books I normally would not grab. I tend to prefer memoirs and true stories. And of course I am into reading all the popular books that make it into Oprah's and Reese's book clubs. Some friends dropped off a box of books for us a couple weeks ago, and we dove right in:

Breath by Tim Winton: 

I need to start by saying how much Jon and I both were not into the cover art. Very unappealing cover. Anyway, Jon and I both really really loved this book. It is completely about surfing. The sentences felt very calming and meditative somehow, and I was so hooked. Jon felt the same way. Can't wait to read more from this author. 

The Ravine by Paul Quarrington:

I was pretty skeptical about this one due to just reading Life of Hope and not being that into it. The Ravine was so much better for me. The book explores how traumas in childhood can have lasting effects throughout adulthood. So into that. 

Why I am still doing this whole blog thing

1. I just can't write a lot with a pen and paper anymore. I used to keep journals, and I have boxes and boxes of them now. But I don't really write anymore, so my fingers are just more used to typing. I still do keep a journal (well, multiple journals really), but when I want to write a lot, I turn to the laptop

2. I suck at backing things up. It's a little different now that we have the cloud, but I have lost so many pictures and so much writing to crashing computers. I think my age (36) makes me just on the cusp of being someone who completely trusts computers. I definitely don't fully trust. For a few years of my life, all I have of my personal writing and pictures is what is on this blog. And I love looking back at it. I fully write this blog just for me.

3. I never regret it. Sometimes I feel that teeny sense of shame if I am revealing something about myself that is really personal, but then after I feel liberated and as though maybe I will help someone else who is going through what I went through. I am for sure an oversharer in real life, and I just feel compelled to write all this stuff down. And I try to always do what I am compelled to do. A sense of longing to do something feels as important as any motivation to me.

4. I still LOVE following blogs. It's still my absolute favourite form of social media. My true favourite forever and ever is cup of jo. And I also love design mom. And door sixteen. And heart of light. Normally I am so over a blog when the original blogger hires other writers to also write posts. But for some reason cup of jo still works. I just think blogs are a really fun medium.

5. Blogging is so different from what I get paid to do at my job. So I think writing stuff down about my life balances my more serious healthcare job where I maybe don’t get to share my inner self as much. 

6. Blogging feels so minimal. It's a hobby that I don't need anything for. I am not really into accumulating things, so I am less interested in painting or knitting or I dunno, making cakes with fondant icing. I just write on our family laptop and that's it. No clutter. 

 

I am not really good about posting regularly, but I still love writing on this blog.  This is why:

 

A "normal" Covid-19 work day

There is nothing normal happening these days. Like I mentioned before, we spend a few hours a day talking to patients on the phone. We cancel appointments and call in prescriptions and triage emergencies. 

Today was a little different because we were being fit tested for N95 masks. Because our job is one of the riskiest when it comes to Covid-19, we are preparing to return to work with extremely intense PPE (personal protective equipment). So today we were tested and we are approved to work while wearing these masks.



We also went crazy and did the Starbucks drive-thru, which felt like such a treat. It was our first time away from the boys together in over 6 weeks. It felt weird! We are both really eager to go back to work, even though we know our jobs will be completely different for the next year or two until a vaccine is available.

My second year of buying no new clothing

A few months ago I was walking through the mall wearing my usual uggs and skinny jeans and sweater and realized not a single other person was wearing uggs. They fell out of fashion without my even noticing. It might have happened a few years ago! I don’t even really like them, but I don’t really like any boots. So I asked my sister if she would sell me the boots she was wearing because I was going to Ottawa a few days later with my girlfriends and needed boots for walking around. So she did, and now I will be wearing the sperry duck boots for the next 5-10 years until I suddenly realize I need something better. 

So I went to Ottawa and I spent many hours in the Rideau mall. I was completely prepared to break my no new clothes ban if I found something I loved. But nothing really “sparked joy” for me. So I bought a new bra (after my first ever fitting! I was of course wearing the completely wrong size) and a new bathing suit top. 

In May it will be two years since I’ve bought any new clothes. I feel great about it. I learned a lot in my first year. The second year I pretty much just learned that I have plenty of clothes and I really don’t need many more since I'm just wearing jeans and t-shirts over and over. BUT. I still love to go to the secondhand store. I definitely still went once a week (until the Coronavirus), bu t I would often just buy stuff for the boys. 

Buying used clothes for Cohen

Cohen doesn’t have anyone who gives him hand-me-down clothes, so I have to buy him a lot of clothes. And he has strong opinions on what he wants to wear. And he is not interested in going to the clothing store ever. And I want his wardrobe to be exclusively second hand. Sooo I end up buying lots of clothes for him, and then I pass along anything he ends up not being into. He is pretty much only interested in wearing sports pants and athletic tops right now. And then he likes to dress way up with a collared shirt and bow tie once in a while.  

Buying used clothes for me

I am pretty much always looking for jeans. I am super picky about jeans (like everyone), so I have to get really lucky to find a pair I love. My main focus is to find jeans with almost no stretch. Maybe 2% lycra is my max. Once I have perused the jeans, I like to move to the men’s long sleeved t-shirt section. This section has the men’s sweaters as well. It is where I would find a sweet old man cardigan or super plain but high quality t-shirt. I also always look at the men’s jeans because very rarely you will see an actual vintage pair of non stretchy Levi’s. That’s the dream. I also have to check out the blazers and coats in both the men’s and women’s. I can’t get enough of an almost too small blazer. And a men’s woolrich buffalo check coat is another dream. 

After that I will look through the ladies dresses. I am not even sure why I look at the dresses because I have zero reasons to ever wear a dress. And whenever we have an event where a dress is a good option, I will always always choose to wear a blazer and wide legged dress pants. I never learn.

My thoughts for the next year of clothing shopping

I am definitely going to continue my new clothing ban. I might make some exceptions for my sister's wedding weekend in September. And I got paint on one of my two constantly worn grey alternative apparel sweatshirts, so I might order a replacement. I am going to work really hard on not buying used clothing that I won't wear. Even though I have minimized my closet so much, I still find myself with clothes that I have never ever worn. I also need to work on not "saving" clothes. Sometimes I want to save an outfit for a special date in the future. But really, I should just wear all my clothes. A trip to the grocery store is as good an occasion as any to wear something I feel good in. Also, if someone really likes something I wear, I want to give it to them. I think it's way better to pass clothing on to friends who you know like your clothes than to put them in a giveaway box where they really might end up as garbage.