So Will is 142 days old. The days have flown by of course, but also they have gone slow and been super intense and emotional. It's been about 9 months since our whole ordeal started, and I find myself so not over it.
(one day old)
I'm not really sure what is normal when it comes to getting over something traumatic. What I know is I think about it every single day. Even though it is the worst thing that Jon and I ever went through, it seems like my brain doesn't want me to forget a single bit of it. So I replay the whole thing over and over, and sometimes I remember some little detail (like something a nurse said) that makes me want to go through the whole over again.
I'm so, so grateful. Will is the absolute best, really a dreamy smiley happy baby. When we go to the store, people come up to us constantly to tell us he is the sweetest baby they have seen. He is so friendly and outgoing. I feel so much joy when I look at him. And there might have been a parallel future without him in it, and that thought makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't ever want to forget about what happened but I don't want it to define me or Will either. I'm finding that balance.